After the first two weeks in the “early postpartum period” it is far from over. Even if everyday life slowly creeps in, the duration of the postpartum period is easily 6-8 weeks - i.e. the entire statutory maternity leave in Germany! And for good reason, because as magical as the first time with a baby is, everything is also new. We have collected some of the things we wish we had known before birth and not had to experience - sometimes painfully - here!
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1. Asking for help is never a sign of weakness
Asking for help is SO important! Perhaps the most important thing you have to learn as a mom - and the thing that many of us find most difficult to accept - is that you do NOT have to do absolutely everything alone. Nothing at all. It's not for nothing that they say it takes a village to raise a baby. That's true even if you don't have a classic "village", in the sense of a large family that lives just around the corner. There are a number of support options for new mothers. For example, did you know that your health insurance company (usually) provides household help for you during your postpartum period? For example, your midwife can support you with this - as with so many other topics! And friends, family and especially dad can do a lot right from the start to give you a hand and support you during the postpartum period.
It's important that you let them, because always trying to do everything on your own can be quite stressful in the long run. For you, but also for those who would like to help you. And you can be very specific and not mince words. Because often others don't know how best to help you - even if they want to! “Could you please cook something for us today and bring it over tomorrow?” or “Can you come over today and spend some time with the baby so I can take a shower in peace?” – everything is allowed and you don’t have to be embarrassed about anything!
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2. Your gut feeling can do more than you think
If the "good" advice from mother-in-law and co feels wrong, it's okay not to take it. You are now a mother yourself and you have a damn good feeling for what suits you and your baby and what doesn't. Reading too many guides and driving yourself crazy isn't necessarily beneficial either - there are so many opinions and approaches, and ultimately it has to be right for YOU and no one else. I promise, you're doing all right.
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3. Feelings go crazy in the postpartum period - that's completely normal!
Always these hormones! They don't automatically go away after pregnancy, on the contrary. And no, you just can't do anything about it, but yes: it will pass. At least for the most part, because hormones are released during the entire breastfeeding period and we can't guarantee that you won't have to shed a few tears every time you give birth in film and television.
As the saying goes? Everything has to flow in the postpartum period: milk, blood and even tears. But if the normal baby blues that most women experience a few days after giving birth last for more than a few days, it could be very serious postpartum depression . The same applies here again: seeking help is the opposite of showing weakness, because the fact that you are well is the prerequisite that your baby is also well.
Either way, it's important to give your feelings space. Not every mother feels the maternal love that everyone always talks about at the push of a button in the delivery room. For some mothers, this only comes with time, and both are absolutely normal and okay.
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4. Breastfeeding can be incredibly painful. Or beautiful. Or both!
Breastfeeding can be so many things – and so many things at once. Beautiful and yet (at the beginning) painful, sometimes draining and yet so enriching. One thing is clear: breast milk is the best food for your baby. And even if it seems like nothing is working, especially at the beginning, and you have questions after questions about let-down milk, engorged milk, etc., it's important not to forget: This is normal!
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5. It can be damn hard not to completely forget that YOU also have to eat too!
After all, you're looking after a little person all day long - don't forget yourself! A balanced diet is incredibly important, especially when breastfeeding - but it's even more important to eat AT ALL! Unfortunately, this is all too quickly forgotten. Therefore, good preparation is the be-all and end-all: frozen meals, ready-to-eat snacks that friends and family can prepare for you, special mom delivery services or even your favorite pizzeria in the delivery service! And through all of this: never feel guilty about ordering again or accepting help.
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6. Sweating, freezing, thirst and, above all, blood – a lot of everything in the postpartum period!
With the hormonal changes, your body is constantly working and, especially in summer, it can happen that not only the milk comes out when breastfeeding, but also the sweat. In rivers. And constantly. And at the same time the thirst is almost unbearable, especially at the very beginning. That is normal! Just like the huge amounts of blood that leave your body, especially in the first few days after birth, but also for weeks afterwards: the weekly flow. Good postpartum pads - the beautiful surfboard pads that are as big as your forearm - are therefore particularly important and should not be missing from any postpartum gift list or preparation list.
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7. It can take time to get used to the new situation - especially as a couple
Giving birth isn't exactly a small change - it's completely normal for it to take some time to settle in properly. For yourself, for your partner, and especially for your relationship. Becoming parents and still remaining a couple can be quite difficult and it's okay that you have to get used to it. But always very important: talk to each other, that helps. Promised.
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8. Becoming a mom can be really lonely
Especially now. There is no question that giving birth in times of Corona is a very special challenge - but even without a pandemic, it is anything but easy to juggle the thousand new feelings. Friends without children, everyday life before the birth, and sometimes even your partner suddenly feel so far away. Instead, you sit awake at night - usually alone - to breastfeed, even small tasks can be overwhelming and sometimes you simply miss your old life. This is all valid and normal, and having these feelings doesn't make you a worse mother.
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9. The confinement period is a time to stay in bed!
You have just made a human being, everything else is so unimportant. Even if it's difficult to hand over tasks and just leave some things behind: Now it's time to lie down, relax and, ideally, let yourself be pampered and given gifts!
We have already collected the most beautiful gifts for mom when she gives birth for your loved ones to read, and your pelvic floor will thank you too! Not only did the birth take a toll on this, but also the 9 months of pregnancy. That's why this applies just as much to cesarean section moms! And after a cesarean section, bed rest is often required during the puerperium, thanks to the massive surgical procedure you have just undergone.
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10. You can also say NO to visitors during the postpartum period!
Postpartum visits can be wonderful – or incredibly stressful and sometimes even invasive. It's important that you arrive as a small family and it's completely okay to say that things don't fit yet. Hopefully even the most pushy relatives will understand this!
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11. Your body just performed a miracle - but it can still be hard to accept the changes
Not to mention the extra kilos of pregnancy and the belly that doesn't automatically go away after the birth - that's completely normal! – Pregnancy and birth are simply a test of strength for the body. Birth injuries such as a perineal tear must heal during the puerperium; the uterus, other organs and of course the tissue must regress. What has grown in 9 months does not disappear in a few minutes and accepting that can be anything but easy.
You don't have to love your new mommy body more than anything. But you don't have to destroy yourself in order to look like you did before as quickly as possible. Understanding and patience for yourself can be difficult to have, but is incredibly important.
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12. Last but not least: Nobody always thinks everything is nice and easy!
It doesn't have to be that way. Nobody is really happy all the time, and even if you regularly have doubts: That's normal. You're doing great, really.
And here are a few tips that can make preparing for the postpartum period easier:
- With a gift voucher for organic baby food and mom food, someone has really given you a meaningful gift.
- For new mothers, the postpartum soup and nursing balls from Löwenzahn Organics are a wonderful way to replenish energy reserves. Broth from a glass that you just have to heat up and nursing balls that just have to roll into mom's mouth.
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Mama Muun has great postpartum dishes delivered to your door - unfortunately only in Berlin.
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However, Mothers Finest delivers from Munich throughout Germany.
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There's even more information about the postpartum period in the Midwife Salon Podcast (and many, many other topics relating to pregnancy, birth and babyhood).
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And there are also some accounts on Instagram that deal a lot with the topic and that we simply love, for example myclarella , bylivandjen and mentalwell.mom .
A topic that we have already touched on above, but which we would like to recommend to you again, is the topic of being parents and remaining lovers or the topic of sex after birth .
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